The End of a Decade Long Chapter

January 1, 2006: A day I will never forget. It was the beginning of our “Trying to Conceive” journey and a decade of pain, struggles & miracles…

For the first seven years of our journey, I was in a downward spiral brought on by the pain of feeling broken. The inability to give my husband a child, the one thing only I could give him, was incredibly difficult to get through. My days were spent trying to figure it all out…why was this happening and what had I done to deserve this? I’d have days where I was determined to get to the bottom of my infertility and days when I felt my dream of becoming a momma slipping further and further away. Little did I know that my toxic relationship with diet and exercise were to blame for it all.

Fast forward to February 7th, 2013:

The day I found out my little Jase was growing in my belly. At this point I had already gone through 7 years of infertility and a miscarriage. I remember feeling completely elated and terrified at the same time. Praying that this little one would make it and I’d finally get to bring home the baby I had dreamed of for so long.

October 25th, 2013: The day my sweet boy was born and I finally became a momma.

The moment I laid eyes on my precious little guy was a moment that will be etched in my memory forever. Tears of joy and the release of all the pain and struggles I had gone through to get to this point came flowing out of me. In this moment, it all became clear to me. I was meant to go through my journey. It taught me so much about who I am and what I want out of life and it brought me to my sweet boy <3

Just a few hours old <3

Just a few hours old <3

The year that followed, I had a really hard time imagining loving another child as much as I loved Jase. I had always dreamed of having two children, but couldn’t quite understand how much heart could possibly love another so intensely. The day we found out our sweet Savannah was growing in my belly I was in complete shock. I had only been off birth control for 6 weeks and after everything we had experienced with Jase I just couldn’t believe it could happen so quickly. My heart felt torn in that moment. I was in awe of how well my body had healed and the ease of getting pregnant for a second time, I was excited to add to our family but also really sad that my one-on-one time with Jase was coming to an end.

December 1st, 2015: Our sweet girl was born <3

Instantly I was in love. I cried tears again, but this time not from the pain of the past but for the beautiful future that I was about to embark on. As I looked into my precious baby girl’s eyes, I knew that she was meant to be the perfect addition to our family. The cherry on top <3

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Just a few minutes old <3

It’s now been just over 10 years since we first embarked on our TTC journey and I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky for all that has happened throughout those ten years. It wasn’t always easy, but it lead me to the life I had always dreamed of. I often get asked if we’ll have more and as ironic as it may sound for someone who wanted children for so long, the answer is no. I feel so complete with my two miracles and so ready for the adventures that we will go on as a family.

About a week and a half ago, I took the final step in our journey and “closed up shop”. I do not feel sad that I will never be pregnant again, I’m not even sad that Savannah will be our last baby…I’m living my dream, I’m enjoying each stage and know that as great as it is now, it only gets better. I’m excited for what’s in store and so glad to be moving on to this next chapter in our lives…

XOXO,

~P

 

P.S. If you’d like to read more about my TTC journey, you can read my first blog “Finding Jase” here.

10 thoughts on “The End of a Decade Long Chapter

  1. Lindsey says:

    I’m glad you are not sad about S being your last baby! I think enjoying her and her stages is much more important and healthy than mourning constantly.
    I’m so happy for you and that you’ve completed your family 🙂

  2. Linda says:

    What an incredibly tough but so worth it chapter! I’m so glad to be a part of it all. I knew all along you could do it 🙂 I’m just so thankful that you finally had faith in yourself too! Love you to the moon and back P 😉

  3. Leila says:

    Your journey is incredible P. No doubt you are one tough woman and I admire you for it. The happiness comes to those who wait and you so much deserve your!!
    I’m so lucky to meet you through this virtual world.

    • P. Jeanne says:

      Awe, thank you so SO much Leila! That truly means so much to me <3 I'm so glad to have met you too, you're such a bright spot in the virtual world <3

  4. Jessie says:

    This was beautifully written!! I’m sorry you had to go through that, but so happy to see that you now have your two miracles!! I experienced secondary infertility and even though there will be a bigger age difference between my two children, I feel this is the way it is supposed to be. I can empathize with those who struggle with infertility and feel I will never take the hard days of motherhood for granted because I experienced the pain of waiting and of finding out why it took a while- something I was born with and couldn’t change. I’m glad I’ve “met” you online and feel we have a lot in common. All the best! You inspire me:)!

    • P. Jeanne says:

      Awe, you are truly the sweetest <3 I'm so glad we met too and that you "get it"...everything happens for a reason right? You inspire me to~XOXO

  5. Nicole says:

    This is really beautiful P. I am always amazed how the hardest things can turn out to be the best things for us, God is good! Your babies are so adorable too.
    xo, Nicole

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