When Miracles come from Tragedy…

They say “Everything Happens for a Reason”…

It’s been 8 years and I still don’t know why we had to lose my brother-in-law, Jason. I often think back to that time in our lives and how losing him changed the course of our lives forever. It’s because of that change that I can see the miracle that came from that horrible tragedy. It’s been our comfort and strength. Our way back to him.

Seeing this miracle unfold was my way of seeing God work in ways I’d never seen before…

Oct 18th, 2008. It was early morning and my hubby & I were getting ready to head to the airport for a visit up north when we got the call. My brother-in-law Jason was gone. Our world came crashing down all around us and life was no longer what it used to be.

After losing Jason, my husband and I made the decision to move up north to be with his family during this incredibly difficult time. It was going to take some time for my husbands transfer to come through, so I packed my bags and headed up north the weekend after Christmas to be with my in-laws.

It was a long 9 months of living on opposite sides of the state, but we were finally together again…

We had purchased a cute little house, perfect for starting a family in, and by this time I was 3 years into my struggle with infertility. I was hoping that this move would be a sign that things were soon going to change for us. We envisioned planting roots in our new home, raising children in a safe small town and living there for years to come. 

Unfortunately, my husband missed life in Southern California. He missed our friends, people who had become like brothers to him. And now with the loss of his own brother, he was aching to get back. So a year and a half later, we packed up our bags again and moved back. Only this time we moved to the small town that I was from.

About a year after we moved back, I had a chance meeting that changed the course of everything…

It was the Spring of 2012 and mom was in town for a visit. We headed to Target and it was there that I ran into a friend of mine. Our conversation easily landed on the topic of my infertility and it was during our conversation that a lady came up to me and ask if I had heard of PCOS. She encouraged me to check into it…it’s what she has and our symptoms sounded very similar.

As soon as we got home, my mom and I hopped on the computer to take a look. We soon found out that it was not PCOS that I had, but through our research we landed on Hypothalamic Amenorrhea. Over 6 years into my struggle with infertility, countless doctors appts, infertility treatments of all kinds and not one person had ever mentioned this to me.

It was in that moment that I knew something bigger was at work…

Nine months after finding my diagnosis and going through my recovery journey, I saw those two pink lines. I could hardly believe my dream was finally coming true. And finding out my due date was Oct 19th, just 1 day after the 5 anniversary of my brother-in-law Jason’s passing, I knew he had been with us all along.

It was never in our plans to move to Northern California in the first place, let alone back to my childhood home, but God had different plans for us…

The day we found out we were having a boy is a day that will be forever etched in my memory. I knew we would name him Jason after his uncle and tell him about him too. From a very young age, our Jase would point to picture of him and now calls him by name. I can see so much of Jason in our Jase. The fun-loving, joyful soul exudes from him. He’s the life of the party, a hambone as we like to call him 😉 He’s our comfort and peace that Jason is still with us.

Jase (8 months old) pointing to his Uncle Jason <3

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It’s still hard to believe that he’s been gone for 8 years now. My heart aches when I think of how my kids will never know him or his contagious laugh. I’m so grateful God lead us down a path that gave us the ability to know that Jason is always with us. The events after that tragic day are proof that although we can’t always stop the heartbreak of life from happening, as long as we lean into Him, He will find a way to bring healing…

Sometimes tragedies happen and you may never know why. It can take months or even years to get some sense of healing. I miss Jason every single day, but am so glad God used our loss to bring us a miracle.  A miracle that has given us the ability to feel Jason even though he’s no longer with us <3

Jason & I <3

Jason & I <3

4 thoughts on “When Miracles come from Tragedy…

  1. Linda says:

    Tragic but beautiful story. I didn’t know Jason very long but he was an easy person to love and I miss him too. I’m sure he’s smiling down on all of you today 🙂 love you all.

  2. Jessie says:

    Amazing story!! I’m so sorry for your lost and my heart goes out to you and your family. I’m sure he is looking down on you all and smiling because he sees the family that you guys have after yrs of struggle.

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