Re•demp•tion: The act of being saved from error…
I was once asked to think of a time I created a mess for myself and found myself being saved from God and in it’s place given a miracle.
It didn’t take long for me to think of the mess I had unknowingly created for myself during my struggle with infertility. As the pain & hurt from not being able to have a child grew more and more with each passing day, so did the mess I found myself in.
For the first 6 years of my struggle with infertility, I had no idea that the mess I was in was caused by my lifestyle. The hours at the gym, the restriction I put myself through on a daily basis. They were the mess. I’m honestly not sure had someone told me during the darkest years that it was my desire to be thin that was causing all of this pain, if I would have made the change I needed to make.
It wasn’t until I came to the point of desperation that I was ready to do whatever it took. I was running out of options and time.
My relationship with God during those years was distant at best. I always felt He was there, but I didn’t think He was listening to my cries and brokenness. I didn’t think He had a plan for me or that my dreams and prayers would be answered.
Looking back now I can see so clearly how He held me close and kept me safe, even during the heartbreak and tragic losses.
Yes, I created a mess for myself. I may not have know it at the time, but I was absolutely the one who brought this upon myself. There was a time I felt deep shame over this mess and couldn’t believe I let my desire to be thin take so much from me. But God wasn’t ashamed. Instead He took that mess and turned it into the most beautiful miracles I could have never given to myself.
He gave my my babies and the ability to love them in the deepest way. He gave me a calling and a passion. He took my story and turned it into something beautiful, something life giving.
He gave me my redemption. He saved me from my error and in it’s place brought beauty & healing.
I’m so grateful for my journey and the ability to touch others lives. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel a wave of emotion wash over me when I think about how He’s using me. When I see that my story is changing lives, it brings tears of joy to my eyes.
For so long I felt unworthy, not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough. I felt forgotten, a face in the crowd. But those are just lies.
We are all Worthy, Enough, Beautiful…and we all have a Purpose. We were placed on this earth to do good in our own ways. To use our story and messes for the benefit of others. To allow God to save us from error and turn it into something beautiful.
My sweet sisters, if you’re feeling unloved, unworthy, ashamed or forgotten, please know that you are not alone. There is a God out there waiting to use you and all your messes for good. He wants to turn it into something beautiful, all you have to do is allow it to happen…