To my sweet girl on your 1st Birthday…

Where do I begin?…

It feels like just yesterday we were in the hospital, you by my side, and I was writing your birth story. It was a time in my life that will forever be etched in my memory as one of the most magical, beautiful moments…and here we are, on your First Birthday…

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I’ll be honest, I wasn’t sure how my heart could possibly love another child as much as I love your brother. But the moment I laid my eyes on you, my heart ached with a love so deep it brought tears to my eyes.

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You have completed us my beautiful girl.

You have the sweetest personality and your smile, oh that smile, it lights up a room and can turn anyones day around. You scrunch your nose up and make the cutest sound, I hope you never lose that joy!

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What I’ve loved most about your first year is watching your relationship with your big brother blossom. From a very young age you absolutely adored him. Your face lights up and you kick your feet whenever he is near. He calls you “Savi Jeanne” or “Baby Girl” like I do and it’s the sweetest thing <3 You’ve started to play together too and I often daydream of what life will be like as you continue to grow together…

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First day of school!

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My sweet sweet girl, I’m so grateful to be your momma.

I promise to never let a day go by where I don’t tell you how beautiful you are and that you are so very loved. I pray that God gives me the ability to raise you to be a confident, joyful and radiant little girl.

I will miss this season in our lives as you are our last baby, but know that there is so much joy in the years to come. Thank you for completing our family and coming into our lives at the perfect moment. I love you to the moon and back Savi Jeanne!

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XOXO,

Momma

To my sweet boy on your Third Birthday…

How has it already been 3 years? I’ve heard the phrase “time flies” many times in my life, but it’s never been more true since becoming a momma…

Just minutes old...

Jase, just minutes old <3

I lived so much of my adult life bound by infertility. I’d often spend my days trying to convince myself that being a momma just wasn’t meant to be. That I needed to find something else to fill the deep hole in my heart. When you spend so much of your life under a dark cloud, never seeing the light, you start to believe that this is just how life is supposed to be.

Finding my diagnosis and embarking on my recovery journey brought with it a whirlwind of emotion…

I was elated and determine when I finally found the answer to my struggle with infertility, then the heartbreak of a miscarriage knocked me off my feet. I was angry that this had to be so difficult, but knew that I needed to stay strong…finally the feeling of pure joy at the sight of those two pink lines.

It still feels like yesterday that you came into our lives. You were a stubborn little one going 6 days past your due date, a peek into your personality perhaps? 😉 Those first few months were pure magic. Living my life in 3 hour increments, with early mornings rocking you while the sun came up to late nights walking around the house when you protested sleep.

First Valentine's Day <3

First Valentine’s Day <3

You my boy have filled that void in my heart and more. Having you gave me purpose, it changed the person I am and the way I see life. Just one look at you and my heart skips a beat. And your smile gets me every.single.time…I fear I’m going to have to keep the girls away somehow when you get older 😉

I tell you I love you multiple times a day and you reply back with “I love you too much!” How did I get so lucky?!?!

Now not every day is rainbows and sprinkles…you have the stubbornness of your father and the determination to keep me on my toes! But, even on the hard days you always make me so proud <3 You are an amazing big brother, a great helper and such a silly little guy.

First day of school!

First day of school!

You started school this year and I think it came at the perfect time. You are thriving and loving every minute of it! It’s so fun to hang your artwork on the fridge…kind of surreal for me to see it up there I have to admit.

My sweet sweet Jase…

You my boy are truly loved and so very special to us all. I’m excited to see what you’ll be like as you grow older and what sorts of things you’ll be into. But one things for sure…I know there will be many many laughs and great times in our future <3

Happy 3rd birthday Handsome Boy!

XOXO,

Momma

The End of a Decade Long Chapter

January 1, 2006: A day I will never forget. It was the beginning of our “Trying to Conceive” journey and a decade of pain, struggles & miracles…

For the first seven years of our journey, I was in a downward spiral brought on by the pain of feeling broken. The inability to give my husband a child, the one thing only I could give him, was incredibly difficult to get through. My days were spent trying to figure it all out…why was this happening and what had I done to deserve this? I’d have days where I was determined to get to the bottom of my infertility and days when I felt my dream of becoming a momma slipping further and further away. Little did I know that my toxic relationship with diet and exercise were to blame for it all.

Fast forward to February 7th, 2013:

The day I found out my little Jase was growing in my belly. At this point I had already gone through 7 years of infertility and a miscarriage. I remember feeling completely elated and terrified at the same time. Praying that this little one would make it and I’d finally get to bring home the baby I had dreamed of for so long.

October 25th, 2013: The day my sweet boy was born and I finally became a momma.

The moment I laid eyes on my precious little guy was a moment that will be etched in my memory forever. Tears of joy and the release of all the pain and struggles I had gone through to get to this point came flowing out of me. In this moment, it all became clear to me. I was meant to go through my journey. It taught me so much about who I am and what I want out of life and it brought me to my sweet boy <3

Just a few hours old <3

Just a few hours old <3

The year that followed, I had a really hard time imagining loving another child as much as I loved Jase. I had always dreamed of having two children, but couldn’t quite understand how much heart could possibly love another so intensely. The day we found out our sweet Savannah was growing in my belly I was in complete shock. I had only been off birth control for 6 weeks and after everything we had experienced with Jase I just couldn’t believe it could happen so quickly. My heart felt torn in that moment. I was in awe of how well my body had healed and the ease of getting pregnant for a second time, I was excited to add to our family but also really sad that my one-on-one time with Jase was coming to an end.

December 1st, 2015: Our sweet girl was born <3

Instantly I was in love. I cried tears again, but this time not from the pain of the past but for the beautiful future that I was about to embark on. As I looked into my precious baby girl’s eyes, I knew that she was meant to be the perfect addition to our family. The cherry on top <3

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Just a few minutes old <3

It’s now been just over 10 years since we first embarked on our TTC journey and I feel so incredibly blessed and lucky for all that has happened throughout those ten years. It wasn’t always easy, but it lead me to the life I had always dreamed of. I often get asked if we’ll have more and as ironic as it may sound for someone who wanted children for so long, the answer is no. I feel so complete with my two miracles and so ready for the adventures that we will go on as a family.

About a week and a half ago, I took the final step in our journey and “closed up shop”. I do not feel sad that I will never be pregnant again, I’m not even sad that Savannah will be our last baby…I’m living my dream, I’m enjoying each stage and know that as great as it is now, it only gets better. I’m excited for what’s in store and so glad to be moving on to this next chapter in our lives…

XOXO,

~P

 

P.S. If you’d like to read more about my TTC journey, you can read my first blog “Finding Jase” here.