Making Progress.

My name is P, and I’m a neat freak. And I don’t mean in the I-love-to-clean sort of way, but in the this-is-getting-out-of-hand sort of way.

I guess you could say it’s a combination of my Type A personality, the fact that I’m home most of the time and my deep rooted desire to have everything “just so”.  But for as long as I can remember, I’ve been a tidy person. Only it wasn’t until I became a momma that it’s suddenly become a problem. And one that I denied for a long time.

But Over the course of the last year, I started to see it for what it truly was: a time stealer.

It hit me one day that for every moment I spend wiping down countertops, straightening up, picking up and making things “just so” is a moment lost doing the things that matter most. Like all of those in between moments when you catch a glimpse of the beauty around you. When you’re so present with those you love, that you see and hear all of the joyful things they say and do.

I sort of hit this breaking point a few months back when I knew it was time to let go. To find the balance that comes so naturally for others. To be able to play with my kiddos even when there’s dishes to do, or relax on the couch even when there’s toys surrounding me and the floor. Because at the end of my days, it’s those moments I’ll remember with fondness not the time I spent tidying up.

I remember thinking, how hard can this be? I’ll have way more time to do the stuff that I actually enjoy, I’ve got this!

But the thing is, often we can see that something needs to change but actually making it happen can be quite the challenge.

So I set about each day determined to be the easy going me that I truly long to be. Only the neat freak inevitably shows up causing me to feel like a failure. Then one day this tiny voice inside reminded me of the days going through my infertility journey and how as long as I made even the tiniest bit of progress, then the day was a success. I was no longer the person I used to be and one step closer to the person I long to be.

So I keep pressing forward. I may still have my moments when I get caught up in tidying the house a little too fanatically, but I’ve also got a lot more moments where I’ve let the mess stay awhile so I could tend to the things that fill my heart with joy…

And who knows, maybe one of these days I will be that easy going person I long to be.

Only time will tell. And in the mean time, I’m learning to let go, give myself grace and applaud myself for the progress I’ve made.

XOXO,

~P

 

 

A Spark Ignites.

A new year is upon us and the feeling of renewed hope is in the air. The buzz, the energy, the anticipation of what the new year will bring can create a spark. It can ignite the hopes & dreams that got buried by life, but still find ways to break through and remind you of what your purpose in this life is.

Each year I feel this spark. But I don’t always act on it.

My hope is that this year is different. That I don’t just meet that spark half way, but that I embrace it and allow it to change me in ways I’ve never been changed before. But before we can allow such great change to happen, we must first learn to let go…

-Of the fears that keep us from reaching our full potential.

-Of the busyness that life can bring if we let it.

-Of the noise in this world telling us we’re not worthy.

-Of the worry that keeps us at a stand still.

I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of living my life half way. I want to release it all so that I can fully experience the beauty of this life. It’s going to be a daily choice and hard work. But with consistent action, character change can happen.

-No longer will I let the fear of failure keep me from acting on the work God has called me to do.

-No longer will I let life get so busy that I don’t have the time and space to find peace, joy and happiness in all of my days.

-No longer will I allow the noise of this world keep me from feeling worthy.

-No longer will I allow worry to steal my days and hold me captive.

2017 was a year of rest and refining which I so desperately needed…

But 2018 will be the year of great change. Change to my character, to my days & to my calling. I long to be a person who exudes peace. I long to live my days with new eyes and see the beauty that each day holds. I long to make strides in the work God has called me to do.

I share all of this with you in hopes that it will ignite that spark in you and to keep myself accountable. My prayer is that this coming year will bring you much joy and happiness, seeing that spark ignite a fire in you and your life. Thank you for being a part of this journey with me and for allowing me to share my heart with you…

Cheers to 2018!!

XOXO,

~P

 

 

 

I Choose.

Life has this funny way of happening. No matter how much you plan and prepare, some seasons sweep you up in the busyness, the stress and the pressure of keeping it all together.

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that this year has been a big year of change for me. I’ve made decisions based on what I no longer wanted to feel or experience. I let go of the idea that I had to do things a certain way and instead decided to do things the way I felt God calling me to do them.

But even still, I get swept up.

I let all the to-do’s, stress, obligations and pressure dictate my days and ultimately my life. And before I know it, my days are passing by without a chance to really be present and seek the beauty of my life.

Recently, I had this profound phrase pierce my heart: I choose. It’s simple but holds so much weight. It made me realize that I don’t have to get swept up in all the things, I have this amazing ability to choose how my days will unfold. Yes there are things out of our control, but there is also so so much in our control.

If only we will stop long enough to make the decision to choose…

I choose to let go of my insecurities and walls I’ve built up to protect my heart.

I choose to slow down so I can actually seek the beauty and wonder of this life.

I choose to be present and find the joy in each of my days.

I choose to believe that we have a good God that is bigger and more loving than we can ever imagine.

I choose to follow Jesus knowing that I don’t have to have it all together to earn my place.

I choose to go at God’s pace, not the world’s.

I choose. I choose. I choose.

This is my life and this is your life. Let’s make the decision today to choose better. To choose what lights ours souls on fire. To choose the things that will bring us peace and happiness.

Because when we choose a life filled with all of those things, we can look back on our days knowing it was a good life…

XOXO,

~P

Radical Change

A few weeks ago I finished reading the book This Life I Live written by Rory Feek and watched his movieTo Joey, With Love. I’ve honestly never had a story affect my heart and life more. I had resisted hearing it at first, for I knew the heartbreak and wasn’t sure I could bring myself to experience it. But, it was exactly the story I needed to hear. A story that has inspired radical change in my life.

I’ve always tried to be a good person. To do the right thing and care for those I love. But I am human and often struggle with looking too far ahead, causing me to wish away the time I have now and miss the blessings right in front of me. I get caught up in the struggles of life and fail to remember all of the things I am grateful for. I let my stress and emotions get the best of me, causing me to say and act in ways I later regret.

This year I’ve gotten a lot better at being present and grateful, but I knew I could do better.

Sometimes it’s hard to get out of a pattern, a way of thinking and acting. I needed an example to show me what it truly means to live life with a joyful heart no matter the situation. To show me that each season brings with it some hard stuff, but also some of the greatest blessings if we are just willing to stop long enough for them to penetrate our hearts and minds.

The story of Joey Feek, the woman she was before cancer came into her life and more so the woman she was during her battle and ultimate terminal diagnosis, has had a profound affect on my life. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her and the legacy she left behind.

I pray that the radical change I’m experiencing now will allow me to leave a similar legacy.

One that shows the love of God to everyone that crosses my path. A legacy that teaches my children to be present, grateful and giving. So that long after I’m gone, my love will continue to touch those I had the pleasure of knowing.

Joey was that kind of person. She radiated joy. She was kind and truly cared about others. She was present and grateful for the life God gave her. She was faithful and trusted that her journey could still bring happiness to those she loved, even though she’s no longer here to show them.

This type of radical change doesn’t happen over night, but with time I hope that it will become noticeable.

I hope that my loved ones will feel the joy radiating from my heart. See the peace I feel etched on my face. And the faith and trust I have in God to guide them to do the same. I pray that above all else, I leave those I love with a feeling of joy in their hearts too. Knowing that I loved them in a fierce way.

I pray that God gives me the ability to be fully present in the now. For kind words and actions to become my immediate reaction. For a heart that forgives easily and remembers that no one is perfect. I pray for the ability to be grateful, even in the hardest of circumstances.

When I think about this year and all that I’ve experienced, I feel an overwhelming sense of joy. Joy for God’s grace and the ability to start fresh each morning. To keep trying to live this life with intention and purpose. Joy for the lessons about what it means to be truly present and grateful. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s always been worth it…

XOXO,

~P

Reflecting Back and Moving Forward…

After some time away from writing here in this little space of mine, I’m ready to get back to sharing with you the happenings in my life as well as what’s on my heart.

As I reflect back on 2016, I have this overwhelming feeling of HOPE. Hope for what the new year brings and hope for how God will use me. So much change has happened over the last year and I am definitely not where I thought I would be…

I’m some place better.

I’m more still, patient, joyful, connect, present and hopeful. My faith is stronger. And I now feel confident in where God has called me to be. I’m so grateful for the ups & downs that the past year brought with it…they brought me to a place where my relationship with God and the people I love is stronger than ever.

When I think about the possibilities that are ahead of me, I feel overcome with joy. Knowing where you’re supposed to be and getting there is so fulfilling. For so long I moved from job to job, never feeling truly satisfied. It wasn’t until I finally got quiet and listened to what God was trying to tell me, did I find true contentment. Getting to use my story to help others brings so much happiness to my life.

As I move forward into the new year…

I’m not exactly sure where God will continue to lead me, but my hope is to continue to provide encouragement to those in The HA Sisterhood (my online community group for those struggling with infertility) as well build connections here with momma’s like you. I’m not one to set resolutions, but I do have some goals/priorities for the coming year:

  • Continue to build my relationship with God
  • Spend more time being present with my family
  • Provide support & encouragement to those struggling with HA (infertility)
  • Be more intentional about getting together with the special people in my life

I hope that as you reflect back on the past year and look forward to the future, you’re filled with happiness & excitement for what’s to come. Thank you for reading along and for all your support…Cheers to 2017!!!

XOXO,

~P